Couples Therapy

5 Reasons You Might Be Setting Your Marriage Therapy Up For Failure

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marriage therapist

Congratulations if you have decided to seek help to fix your marriage. If you are, it is likely that your problems have been going on for a while, maybe even years. Whatever it is that has you saying “it’s time to try marriage therapy,” you’ve made a wise decision. Step one, you must find the right person to help you and your spouse.

Finding a marriage therapist, especially a competent one that you both agree on, can seem like a daunting task. It is likely you are going to turn to your health insurance plan or Google. Here’s where things can get tricky, and I will tell you why.

Reasons you may set your marriage therapy up for failure

1. You take a shot in the dark with Google.

I have seen some of the most beautiful websites with all the bells and whistles of therapists who have no clue what they are doing. Anyone can create a website and put nearly whatever they want on there. Please don’t be fooled by a beautiful website.

Secondly, you will see lots of buzzwords you may have heard on Oprah or somewhere else. The bottom line is that at this point in time, the most thoroughly researched method of helping couples is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. All of the studies over the past twenty years has shown the most positive results of any form of treatment. If another approach surpasses these results, I will update this article to reflect this new information.

2. You go to your insurance plan directory.

The providers on your plan do have to go through a bit more of a screening. But a clear majority of the providers are general therapists, not specialists. Therapists who specialize are most often out of network or self-pay only. This is most often because the insurance reimbursement rate does not commensurate with experience and costly training a marriage therapist has completed.

3. You stick with the first marriage therapist you see even when you gut tells you not to.

You will know quite quickly, usually between one to three sessions, if this therapist is a fit and seems to get your situation and knows what they’re doing. Trust your gut. It is crucial for you both to like the therapist and agree that this person is a fit for you. Even if just one of you isn’t comfortable, it can sabotage the process.

4. You’re trying to find treatment at a bargain.

A highly qualified licensed marriage therapist is expensive. Most therapists will slide somewhat. But even so, expect to pay on average, depending upon your area, approximately $150 – $250 per session. Paying for therapy should help you feel more invested in its success. Keep in mind that marital distress is a critical matter.

Something else to think about…after polling a few attorneys about the average divorce costs their clients, I’m told between $10,000 – $100,000. The average cost of a course of couple therapy does not come close to the lower end of that range. Not to mention the emotional toll on you, your children, and your circle of friends, and relatives.

5. You have a negative attitude.

If you approach the process of therapy negatively or you want to blame your spouse for everything, it is likely to fail. Relationship problems can cast a dark cloud over everything in your life. I realize that it’s a lot to ask to be hopeful, but it is very important. It’s also unrealistic to think your spouse is completely responsible for all the problems. Be open to your own change and growth.

Starting off right and with the right marriage therapist

You may get lucky. You just might find a great therapist at a reasonable cost or one that is covered by your insurance. But, do you really want to roll the dice with one of the most important decisions of your life? One that could seal the fate of your marriage? I bet this sounds ludicrous, right? Here’s what to do instead:

  • If you have any friend who tells you they had a great experience with a couples’ therapist, ask who they saw. You may be reluctant to do this as you don’t wish to air your dirty laundry. You don’t have to say it’s for you. You can make that part up. It may seem a little old-fashioned, but it is still the best way to find a referral.
  • Ask a therapist you may know as an acquaintance or one you may see individually. It is likely they know a skilled couples therapist who has established an excellent reputation.
  • Search the directory of emotionally focused couple therapists (www.iceeft) to see if there is someone trained in this approach in your area.

When searching for a potential marriage therapist, choose carefully and wisely. It’s not the time to shop around for the least expensive rate. It’s definitely not the time to see someone without extensive training in marriage therapy.

Once you find a marriage therapist you wish to try, spend several minutes interviewing them on the phone asking about their training, the percentage of their practice that is couples (it should be 50% or more) and how they work. After the first few visits if you and your partner aren’t feeling it’s the right choice, move on!

I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a nationally recognized marriage expert and marriage therapist in private practice online and in South Florida. Please reach out to me to talk more about how I can help you! Check out my FREE GUIDE  just for couples seeking help. 

Why is Couples Therapy So Expensive?

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couples therapy expense

If you have been searching for couples therapy in your area, you are likely experiencing “sticker shock.” Some of the best therapists in town are charging between $200 – $300 per hour.  After crunching the numbers, you realize if you need months of therapy than it will amount to a few thousand dollars. So, you are likely wondering,  is couples therapy really worth the expense?

Yes it is, and here are the reasons why marriage and couples therapy can be so expensive:

  1. The therapist who (truly) specializes in couples therapy has extensive and costly training that enables them to do this work. All of these specialists have a minimum of a masters degree and many have a doctorate. These degrees require years of post-graduate study. After this extensive education, therapists must do their clinical hours under supervision that they pay for on a weekly basis for a minimum of two years. Many therapists elect to complete additional training in a particular method of couples’ therapy (such as EFT or The Gottman Method). Therefore, marriage therapists are highly educated and highly skilled, and their expertise is not, and should not be, inexpensive.
  2. Insurance does not cover couples therapy. Relationship problems and couples/marriage therapy do not have a “billable diagnostic code” for insurance.  Some therapists will give one partner a diagnosis and bill for sessions under that client. You may be able to find a therapist willing to do this, but again, he or she may be a general therapist and not have specialized training to work with couples. Some therapists ethically wish to avoid labeling one of you when the problem being treated is a relational Unfortunately, insurance reimbursement DOES NOT commensurate with the experience of those who specialize in couples therapy or other complex mental health disorders.
  3. Couples therapy takes longer than individual therapy. Relationship dynamics are complex. Working with you both as a couple will take more time than individual therapy.  The assessment process alone can take up to four sessions. You also may have waited too long to get help and the problems can be bigger and more complicated by the time you finally make the call to find a therapist.
  4. Couples therapists have a hard time with the “50 minute hour.” The sweet spot for an effective couples’ session seems to be around 75 – 90 minutes.  Research supports this estimate. Things are usually hitting a pivotal point around 50 – 60 minutes and stopping right then is difficult.  It is much better to tie up loose ends as much as possible in each session and this often requires more time with two people than it does with one.

Options If You Can’t Afford Couples Therapy

Keep in mind that marriage therapy will always cost less than a divorce.  If you are financially struggling, you may be able to find a “sliding fee” therapist or community agency for less than a traditional marriage therapist.  If you are near a university or training center, going to that institution’s clinic may be a viable solution as well, but expect to be working with someone still under supervision for their degree and/or license.  Note that the quality may vary with these selections, so be sure to ask the right questions to find out about the therapist’s specialized training with couples and/or how he or she will be supervised.

A couples workshop or group is also often a lower cost option. Reading highly recommended self-help books together can also be beneficial. These options may only work for couples with minor or less complicated issues. Doing a workshop and reading self-help books can also possibly assist in shortening the time you need to be in marriage therapy.

It never hurts to ask the therapist for a reduced fee.  The worst he or she can say is “no.”  The next question might be about another therapist or a resource the therapist might recommend in your area if their services are still beyond your financial reach.

Although couple therapy is costly, it is absolutely worth it. If you are not sure that it is right for you and your spouse, you both can always commit to an initial visit only at first.  Making the effort to find the best help you can afford or budget your money for this service is a sound idea.  When you commit to counseling, give it a full and sincere effort and you will find it was a wise investment in your relationship.

I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed marriage and family therapist with extensive training in couples therapy. My office is in Boca Raton, Florida but I also conduct online therapy sessions. Reach out for more information. This article was originally written for Brides.com.

How To Find a Marriage Therapist

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marriage therapist

Having to search for a really good, highly qualified marriage therapist can seem like a daunting task. It’s always ideal to ask for a referral from a friend who has gone to one with their spouse, or your physician or clergy. It is understandable that some of you may be uncomfortable asking anyone as you’ll obviously be disclosing that you and your spouse are having problems. That’s often why going online is often where people turn. However, this doesn’t always a guarantee a successful outcome as the internet is still the “wild west” and you are taking your chances.

Here are five tips to help you find the right professional to help you with your marriage:

  • Search reputable directories

There are some reputable websites with a therapist search feature. These are more popular among professionals that are trained to work with couples and can help you the most when searching for a marriage therapist.

Modern Commitment

The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally-Focused Therapy (click on the “find a therapist” tab)

National Registry of Marriage-Friendly Therapists

AAMFT (use the “therapist locator” search feature)

The Gottman Institute (use the “find a therapist” feature)

  • Look for the right credentials

All therapists are required to be licensed (or licensed eligible) to practice therapy. A practitioner who does marriage therapy can be a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) or psychologist (Ph.D. or PsyD).

To specialize in a particular disorder or population, such as marriage or couples treatment, often requires advanced training. Think of this in terms of having a problem with your heart. You would want to see a cardiologist, not a general practitioner. It is the same for couples (and family) work. A couples therapist trained (or certified) in emotionally-focused couple’s therapy (EFT) in particular will have experience with the most proven method to help couples available.

  • Ask the marriage therapist the right questions

It is perfectly acceptable to ask the therapist some direct questions to find out if he or she is competent to practice and would be a good fit. This is especially important if the therapist was not directly referred to you by a someone who knows them well or that has been under their care. You may wish to know how long you will need marriage therapy, but understand that no therapist can easily predict this until a thorough assessment is completed (and even then it can be difficult). Expect to be in therapy a minimum of four to six months and possibly up to a year depending on the degree of problems and how long you have had them. After getting information on fees and scheduling options (make sure you can both make the appointments consistently), the therapist should be willing to spend several minutes on the phone to answer any questions.

  • Appropriate questions to ask before hiring a marriage therapist:

How long have you been practicing couples therapy?

Do you have advanced training?  Can you elaborate on that?

How long are sessions?

What should we expect?

It’s also okay to ask the marital status of the counselor if this is important to you. You may feel more comfortable with a counselor married with kids than one never married or divorced. It isn’t right to ask a bunch of personal questions of the counselor but marital status should be acceptable. You will also want to know there is anything that would rule you out as good candidates for marriage therapy. Examples might be a history of domestic violence, heavy substance abuse, and so on. You can always attend the initial session and go from there. The therapist should tell you if some other treatment or service is more appropriate instead.

  • Trust your “gut” about the marriage therapist when you first meet

Is what the counselor telling you making sense?  Does it sound like he or she has a good understanding of your problems and what can be done to improve things? Do you both like the counselor and feel comfortable?  If you both do not feel this way within the first few sessions, this particular marriage therapist may not be a good match and it is okay to find another one. Understand that the therapist will assist and guide you to find ways for you both to solve your problems but is not there to solve them for you. A lot of work will be required of you.

Keep in mind that finding help for your marriage is a brave undertaking.  It is also one that can help you significantly with whatever problems you are struggling with. Knowing how and where to start is the first step.

Dr. Marni Feuerman is a licensed marriage therapist in Boca Raton, Florida with extensive training in working with couples. Reach out to her for more information about services.

Why I Practice Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

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EFT couples therapy

Throughout the course of my career as a couples therapist, I’ve tried various approaches in my quest to help couples in distress. They’ve all had some value and still do. However, it wasn’t until I began to learn and practice emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) that I honestly felt there was a superior approach that far surpassed anything else I was trained in.

Here are some of the reasons why I believe Emotionally Focused Therapy is superior to any other method to help couples.

  • EFT is based on one of the most accepted theories in psychology

Attachment theory is one of the most (if not “thee” most) prolific and accepted theories within the entire field of psychology. It is one that has been studied and proven extensively. Imagine having numerous scholars in a room all in agreement over anything! This is one thing they would all agree on. Our attachment history begins at birth and impacts us the rest of our lives. The availability and consistency of our caregivers (often our parents) creates a lasting imprint for how we view the world and others in it. Furthermore, it significantly impacts our romantic relationships. EFT is grounded in attachment theory making it a solid approach.

  • EFT helps the therapist stay neutral with a couple

Having trust and an alliance with both partners is crucial to making any progress. It is also imperative that no one feels like the “bad guy” or on the hot seat. If one partner gets turned off to couples’ therapy, he or she will not return. EFT provides a way to help both partners feel safe to open up and talk about some difficult topics.

  • EFT integrates brain science

Hearing the word “brain science” may sound intimidating. But, really the central piece to understand is that EFT fits well with what we know about how our brain works. For example, how we respond on the inside to threat…what happens when we escalate into anger or shut down and can’t talk. Knowing some basic information about the brain helps us understand how and why we react certain ways during arguments and what we need to do to help a couple find their way out of these patterns.

  • There’s no homework

Technically, there is no real “homework” when you do EFT. In several other approaches, couples are given homework in between sessions. In my experience (and that of other colleagues), this usually goes poorly. Either it just doesn’t get done, or the couple comes to the following session arguing about whose fault it is that the homework didn’t get done. Part of the beauty of this form of couples therapy is that most of the work is done right in session. EFT is known as an “experiential” approach. This means that the process of EFT is experienced in real time right in session with your partner. The therapy actively engages you both to help change negative patterns within the relationship.

  • Extensive research backs EFT

Remember, anyone can say or do anything, give it a fancy name, and claim it works. However with EFT, “the proof is in the pudding” so to speak! There’s over 20 years’ worth of research studies that have demonstrated the effectiveness of the therapy. There is no other method of helping couples found to be superior to EFT. Another popular approach called Gottman Method is grounded in science as well but the drawback is that the research is based on relationships in general whereas EFT is based on the process and outcome of couples therapy. This difference is consequential. EFT research results also show that the progress couples make is also maintained over time.

  • EFT works well with all kinds of populations

EFT is practiced all over the world. Because of its scientific foundation (attachment theory, brain science), it has shown to be effective both cross-culturally and with other co-occurring problems such as trauma, depression or substance abuse. It is also an effective method for working with the LGBT community. It’s an approach to help relationships…any and all relationships. In fact, we also have a form of EFT for individuals and families as well.

  • EFT feels organic

This may not sound like the most legit reason, but here’s why I think it is important. Therapists use theory, approaches and various skills to help their clients. But they also use intuition. EFT makes intuitive sense. It does so because of some of the other reasons already listed: it is a theory about how people relate to others and romantic relationships. It simply makes sense and feels organic.

I would encourage those seeking couples therapy to find a therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy. You will learn about your partner, yourself, and the intricacies of your interactions. You will learn how to get out of your distressing moments and escalating arguments. But most importantly, you will learn how to become close, connected and bonded for life.

Learn more about EFT in this article I wrote for VeryWell.com and listen to this podcast where I talk about it!

I am a certified emotionally focused couples therapist and supervisor practicing online and in my Boca Raton, Florida office. I also supervise licensed professionals seeking EFT certification and/or licensure in marriage and family therapy.

Considering Marriage Counseling? 6 Facts You Need To Know

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marriage counseling

Many people consider going to couples or marriage counseling at some point during their relationship.  Sadly, marriage counseling has a questionable success rate.  This is for a variety of reasons that can be mitigated when you understand the following facts about this type of therapy.

1. Marriage counseling is quite different than individual counseling.  This is because marriage counseling deals with problems within the “system” and dynamic of the couple.  The focus is more on the interaction or “process” between the two people, not just the problem or issue (known at “content”).

Some therapists are highly trained in marriage and family systems, particularly Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFT). These therapists, in essence, are “process consultants” helping couples restructure their relationship.  It is critical to choose a therapist well trained in this specialty as opposed to a “generalist.”  Most therapists will take a neutral and unbiased stance toward each of you, and will view the relationship itself as the “client.”

2. Couples do not always realize that they really need professional intervention to help them.  

So many of us try the same solution over and over to try to solve a problem or simply go on ignoring it.  However, in relationships, people should seek guidance if they find that there is a high degree of distress, difficulty communicating, general dissatisfaction or a lack of connection. Some issues creating problems are often around mistrust, betrayal, infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction, parenting disagreements, finances, difficulties with in-laws or other extended family members.

Counseling may be needed for any number of reasons!  If most often boils down to a long-standing negative pattern of interaction or a particular recurring issue that becomes too hard to tackle between the two of you.

3. Most couples are reluctant to try marriage counseling.

This may be for a range of reasons, including stigma, shame, embarrassment or difficulty taking responsibility for the problems in the relationship.  Many people blame their partner for the problems they are experiencing together entirely. However, with rare exceptions  (i.e. abuse),  most therapists completely stay out of the “blame game” or “who started it” and look at the interface between the two people.

Some people may also have misconceptions about what is involved in couple’s or marriage therapy and anticipate a negative experience when often times it is just the opposite.  Frequently one person in the relationship who is unwilling to come in for marriage counseling which regrettably puts the kibosh on pursuing this opportunity for growth.

4. Marriage counseling can help couples grow, thrive and communicate better.

Therapy can help the couple view their relationship from a different perspective, change dysfunctional behavior, develop a more secure connection and romantic bond, acknowledge their strengths (not just their problems) and improve communication.  When couples learn how to de-escalate conflict and find their way out of a toxic pattern of interaction, they can heal, grow and communicate with each other regardless of the subject matter.

5. Certain factors help marriage counseling have a better outcome.

Marriage counseling works best when the couple comes in early when problems are beginning to arise and not waiting too long.  It is also most successful when there is still a lot of love, hope for the relationship and motivation for treatment despite the distress they may be experiencing.  Likewise, it’s beneficial when each partner refrains from getting defensive and remains open to their partner’s point of view in session.  The couple should also be willing to follow the guidance the therapist is providing.  Finally, you both should be in agreement on the choice of marriage therapist that you feel comfortable with.

6. Some couples are not appropriate for marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling is not advised when there is violence or abuse in the relationship.  A history of abuse is counterproductive to the process of building trust during sessions.  It is also not advised when one partner is coerced or threatened in some way to attend treatment. You will end up just spinning your wheels if both people aren’t motivated to work on the marriage.  There are other therapeutic options for these circumstances that frequently do not involve working with the couple together.

I would encourage any couple in distress to give marriage counseling an honest and wholehearted try.  It may not work for everyone, and sometimes the best solution is for the couple to part ways.  Regardless, you will be better off knowing that you truly did everything possible to save your marriage.

I am an experienced and highly trained marriage and couple counselor in Boca Raton, Florida. Online therapy sessions are also available. Reach out to find out how I can help you get your marriage back on track! 

Danger Signs Your Marriage Therapist is Looking For

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marriage danger

Well trained marriage therapists have most likely studied the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The Gottmans have done the most extensive research on marriage and what predicts divorce.  They discovered four main predictors, which he terms the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” and they are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

All relationships have some of these communication patterns. But, if there are more than one present or any particular one is very strong, a marriage therapist may have doubts about the longevity of your relationship. Learning about and understanding the Four Horsemen will help set your marriage therapy (and relationship) up for success.

HERE ARE THE DETAILS ON THE FOUR HORSEMEN

1.Criticism:

When criticizing, it is done in a way that implies something is wrong with you.  It may include attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong. An example might be using generalizations.  Saying,  “you always…” “you never…” or “you’re the type of person who …” and “why are you so …” This often makes the person feel under attack and in return, it provokes defensive reactions.

Criticism is a bad pattern as neither feels heard and both may start to feel bad about themselves in the presence of the other.  It is important to make a specific complain about behavior, not attack your partner’s personality. For example, when X happened, I felt Y, I need Z.

2. Contempt:

Contempt is any statement or behavior, verbal or nonverbal, that puts you on a higher ground than your partner.  This could be mocking your partner, calling him/her names, eye rolling, hostile humor, hurtful sarcasm, sneering in disgust, etc. It involves attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse the person.

Contempt is the most serious of the four. Couples must work to eliminate such behaviors and build a culture of respect, appreciation, tolerance and kindness in the relationship.

3. Defensiveness:

This is an attempt to defend yourself from a perceived attack with a counter complaint.  Another way is to act like a victim or whine.  This can look like making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way). Saying things like  “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…” It can also be cross-complaining, such as meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own or ignoring what your partner said. Other  no-nos are yes-butting (start off agreeing but end up disagreeing) or simply repeating yourself without paying attention to what the other person is saying.

The best thing to do would be to try to listen from your partner’s perspective.  Slow down and realize that you do not have to be perfect.  Try your best to have conscious communication: speaking the unarguable truth and listening generously. Also, validate your partner (let your partner know what makes sense to you about what they are saying; let them know you understand what they are feeling, see through their eyes.

4. Stonewalling:

This is withdrawing from the conversation and essentially the relationship as a way to avoid conflict. The stonewaller might actually physically leave or just completely shut down. Sometimes this is an attempt to calm oneself when overwhelmed but it is most often unsuccessful. People who do this may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness.

Stonewalling can look like: stony silence, monosyllabic mutterings, changing the subject, removing yourself physically or the “silent treatment.” The antidote is to learn to identify the signs that you or your partner is starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed and to agree together to take a break and that the conversation will resume when you are both calmer.

Now that you know about the Four Horsemen you can definitely do more to mitigate these factors in your relationship.

Do you know that you need five times as much positive feeling and interaction as negative? This is the ratio, at a minimum! After an argument, claim responsibility for your part. Ask yourself,  “what can I learn from this?” and “what can I do about it?”

Use what Gottman terms “repair attempts” during arguments that help to offset the tension.  This may look like humor (used appropriately) or saying something like, “I’m sorry” or “I hear you saying…” or “I understand.” Don’t push buttons and don’t escalate the argument.

Start to recognize that all interactions are really a self-perpetuating cycle that you can exit from. Someone gets triggered, someone reacts, the partner reacts to this, and so on. Slow things down and ask what you are feeling under the surface (e.g., really hurt when you yelled in anger instead) and express that part of yourself.

We can all learn and benefit from the Gottmans’ research and if you still find the Four Horsemen are ruining your relationship, it’s time to seek out a skilled marriage therapist.

You may also like to read this blog, You Might Be The Problem in Your Relationship.

This original blogpost was also syndicated to TheGoodMenProject.com and Psychcentral.com! As a licensed marriage therapist online and in a Boca Raton, Florida office, I am here to offer you private and confidential help if the four horsemen are wrecking your relationship. Reach out to discuss your options. Check out my FREE GUIDE just for couples looking for help.  

Conversations Every Couple Needs To Have

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hold me tight

If you were to hear that a therapist’s method of helping distressed couples bond again had a seventy-five percent success rate (as opposed to the rather dismal thirty-five percent success rate of most of the other forms of couples therapy), wouldn’t you want to learn more about the methodology?

Psychologist and researcher Dr. Sue Johnson has done exactly that.  She created a whole new way of helping couples cope with serious relationship issues that has proven time and time again to be highly successful.

Based on a validated science-based method of couples therapy called Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), Dr. Johnson wrote a book called Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love for the general public with all the information to move from conflict to calmness in your relationship. Hold Me Tight explains her process, clearly and in detail, for all to benefit from.

The Hold Me Tight relationship enhancement workshops, also created by Dr. Johnson, are formatted from the book and are held all over the country by local professionals.  These workshops teach seven different conversations designed to help couples learn how to move away from negative patterns of conflict, increase their emotional responsiveness to one another, forgive old wounds, and rekindle their desire and affection. This program educates couples through presentations, viewing videos of Dr. Johnson working with couples, and interactive experiences that couples do together.  The couples soon begin to recognize the defining moments of their relationship and build new connections. All experiential, interactive work is done privately between the partners followed by group discussion. No one is required to “air their dirty laundry” so to speak with the group.

The seven conversations through which participants are guided are designed to increase the experience of emotional responsiveness, that sense of safety and closeness that addresses three primary needs:

Accessibility – Can I reach you?  Do you hear what I need?

Responsiveness – Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?

Engagement – Do I know that you will value me and stay close?

The theory is that these “A.R.E” questions are often buried, hidden just under the surface in most of our recurring arguments about issues such as sex, kids, personality differences, and money. If partners feel safe and loved, they can deal with differences and problems together.  If not, relationship issues and fears get channeled into endless disagreements around practical issues of everyday life. By guiding you through seven transforming conversations, the program will show you how to create a safe, loving bond with your partner.

The first four conversations teach the participants to limit negative spirals that leave them both disconnected.  It also outlines how to tune into each other in a way that builds lasting emotional responsiveness. The next two conversations demonstrate how couples can promote emotional bonding through forgiving injuries and sexual intimacy. The final conversation shows you how to care for your relationship on a daily basis.

Here are the seven key conversations that all couples need to have:

Recognizing Demon Dialogues – In this initial conversation, couples identify common emotional reactions that lead to negative cycles.  Being able to identify the negative patterns is the first step to being able to step out of those patterns.

Finding the Raw Spots – Next, each partner learns to look beyond their immediate, impulsive reactions to discover the vulnerable feelings under the negative cycles.

Revisiting a Rocky Moment – This conversation develops a safe platform for de-escalating conflict, repairing disconnections, and building emotional security.

Hold Me Tight – Now the partners can move into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged, known as “A.R.E.,” to strengthen and protect their emotional connection.

Forgiving Injuries – Old emotional hurts can block intimacy and a secure connection. Knowing how to identify these injuries and offer and accept forgiveness empowers couples to strengthen their bonds.

Bonding Through Sex and Touch – Here, couples learn more about how emotional connection enhances physical connection, which in turn creates deeper emotional connection – the best kind of cycle.

Keeping Your Love Alive – The last conversation in the program builds on the understanding that a love relationship is a continual process of losing and finding an emotional connection; it helps couples to be deliberate and mindful about maintaining that connection.

This workshop gives couples real tools to create a lifetime of love!

To experience a Relationship Enhancement Workshop based on Hold Me Tight in Boca Raton, Florida, go to www.HMTFlorida.com.  Take a listen to this podcast where I discuss these conversations. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions! 

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