Having to search for a really good, highly qualified marriage therapist can seem like a daunting task. It’s always ideal to ask for a referral from a friend who has gone to one with their spouse, or your physician or clergy. It is understandable that some of you may be uncomfortable asking anyone as you’ll obviously be disclosing that you and your spouse are having problems. That’s often why going online is often where people turn. However, this doesn’t always a guarantee a successful outcome as the internet is still the “wild west” and you are taking your chances.
Here are five tips to help you find the right professional to help you with your marriage:
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Search reputable directories
There are some reputable websites with a therapist search feature. These are more popular among professionals that are trained to work with couples and can help you the most when searching for a marriage therapist.
The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally-Focused Therapy (click on the “find a therapist” tab)
National Registry of Marriage-Friendly Therapists
AAMFT (use the “therapist locator” search feature)
The Gottman Institute (use the “find a therapist” feature)
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Look for the right credentials
All therapists are required to be licensed (or licensed eligible) to practice therapy. A practitioner who does marriage therapy can be a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) or psychologist (Ph.D. or PsyD).
To specialize in a particular disorder or population, such as marriage or couples treatment, often requires advanced training. Think of this in terms of having a problem with your heart. You would want to see a cardiologist, not a general practitioner. It is the same for couples (and family) work. A couples therapist trained (or certified) in emotionally-focused couple’s therapy (EFT) in particular will have experience with the most proven method to help couples available.
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Ask the marriage therapist the right questions
It is perfectly acceptable to ask the therapist some direct questions to find out if he or she is competent to practice and would be a good fit. This is especially important if the therapist was not directly referred to you by a someone who knows them well or that has been under their care. You may wish to know how long you will need marriage therapy, but understand that no therapist can easily predict this until a thorough assessment is completed (and even then it can be difficult). Expect to be in therapy a minimum of four to six months and possibly up to a year depending on the degree of problems and how long you have had them. After getting information on fees and scheduling options (make sure you can both make the appointments consistently), the therapist should be willing to spend several minutes on the phone to answer any questions.
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Appropriate questions to ask before hiring a marriage therapist:
How long have you been practicing couples therapy?
Do you have advanced training? Can you elaborate on that?
How long are sessions?
What should we expect?
It’s also okay to ask the marital status of the counselor if this is important to you. You may feel more comfortable with a counselor married with kids than one never married or divorced. It isn’t right to ask a bunch of personal questions of the counselor but marital status should be acceptable. You will also want to know there is anything that would rule you out as good candidates for marriage therapy. Examples might be a history of domestic violence, heavy substance abuse, and so on. You can always attend the initial session and go from there. The therapist should tell you if some other treatment or service is more appropriate instead.
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Trust your “gut” about the marriage therapist when you first meet
Is what the counselor telling you making sense? Does it sound like he or she has a good understanding of your problems and what can be done to improve things? Do you both like the counselor and feel comfortable? If you both do not feel this way within the first few sessions, this particular marriage therapist may not be a good match and it is okay to find another one. Understand that the therapist will assist and guide you to find ways for you both to solve your problems but is not there to solve them for you. A lot of work will be required of you.
Keep in mind that finding help for your marriage is a brave undertaking. It is also one that can help you significantly with whatever problems you are struggling with. Knowing how and where to start is the first step.
Dr. Marni Feuerman is a licensed marriage therapist in Boca Raton, Florida with extensive training in working with couples. Reach out to her for more information about services.
